I should be writing about something important. But you know how it is when the garbage of daily life and media rattle around in your head, making concentration impossible? Well, here's the garbage. I am so effing sick of hearing about 50 Shades of a certain effing color. Well, I don't like it. I don't think it's sexy, I don't think it's clever, and I want it off my radar. Here are 25 alphabetic variations on the theme that I think would make way better stories.
B. 50 Shades of Bray: She was an innocent donkey. He was a stubborn mule. Their unproductive love would tear the barn apart.
C. 50 Shades of Cray: “Ain’t nothing more dirty n’ Crawdaddin’. Them Crays’ll get the best o’ you ‘less’n you show ‘em a firm hand. An’ I do mean a firm hand.” Ellie May only thought of Bayou fishing as a way to feed her family, until he showed her the other side…but will she take the bait?
OR
C. 50 Shades of Cray-Cray: She was a hip young thing from the mean streets of…Missoula. She thought she’d heard everything until he made his offer to her. “You wanna do what with my WHAT?!” Oh no he didn’t!
D. 50 Shades of Dray: He was a proud Bay Roan, she a dappled Appaloosa. Once fate harnessed them together, pulling the cart was the last thing on their mind. (Dray=cart. It’s a horse thing…oh, forget it).
OR
D. 50 Shades of Dre: No one knew what really went on in the rap icon’s basement. It wasn’t just a house party, that’s for sure. When he said he wanted to lay down a beat, he meant so much more.
F. 50 Shades of Fray: What Vikings did behind closed doors would shock you. The thrill of the fray doesn’t end on the battlefield, and you will never look at a spiked mace the same way again.
G. 50 Shades of Gay: The Yuletide season will never be the same. (Hah! Didn’t see that coming, did you?)
H. 50 Shades of Hay: He was a proud Bay Roan, she a dappled Appaloosa. Tack. Harnesses. Saddles.
J. 50 Shades of Jay: When she went to be interviewed on the Tonight Show it was a dream come true. Would America’s salt-and-pepper funnyman be as alluring in person as he appeared on TV? You’ll never look at a chin the same way again.
K. 50 Shades of ‘Kay: Some people are into some stuff, but ‘sall good. Really, chillax, man. *Thumbs Up*
L. 50 Shades of Lays: The Crunchy Chip Empire has a seamy underbelly, as one young fan is about to find out. There are so many flavors and you can’t eat just one.
M. 50 Shades of May: The effervescent scent of lilac. The pitter-patter of gentle rain. The whistle of the riding crop - everyone knows the signs of spring. This playful romp through pastoral landscapes and delicate dungeons will both titillate and inspire.
N. 50 Shades of Nay: One young Puritan doesn’t know what she’s in for when the Head of the Council invites her to a Closed Session. She’d better get a safe word, because “Nay” doesn’t always mean “Nay.”
OR
N. 50 Shades of Neigh: He was a proud Bay Roan, she a dappled…. (I have this incredible feeling of déjà vu…)
P. 50 Shades of Prey: The thrill of the hunt doesn’t have to end back at the lodge, as one innocent young country girl is about to find out. Her guide will take her down paths she never could have imagined, but is she predator or prey? You’ll never look at taxidermy the same way again.
OR
P. 50 Shades of Pray: He was a stern Bishop… (It just writes itself).
Q. 50 Shades of Quay: Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay, one innocent beach bunny is about to find out what it means to be taken Under the Boardwalk.
R. 50 Shades of Ray: Mr. Charles was a music legend, and…something else? When one young piano student puts on a blindfold to experience his world, she gets so much more than she bargained for.
S. 50 Shades of Spay: His work with the clippers was so precise, so controlled – but did his obsession with neutering wild animals speak of something darker is his past? One young veterinary tech will find her life changed forever when she strays into his world.
T. 50 Shades of Tray: When the cafeteria closes the hair nets come off and things happen beyond your wildest dreams. You’ll never look at a spatula the same way again.
V. 50 Shades of oy-Vay: He was a stern Hasidic Rabbi, she was a tempting young shiksa determined to spin his dreidel…
W. 50 Shades of Wray: Only one woman could tame the giant ape, but would she be crushed by the force of his desires? (Fay Wray, star of the original King Kong…C’mon, it’s a classic!).
X. 50 Shades of X-Ray: Lead aprons. Restraints. The head of radiology has more inventive uses for the tools of his craft than anyone can guess, but one young tech swears she can see right through him…
Y. 50 Shades of Yay: They called him the King of The Rave, and he was about to show her the true meaning of Esctasy. You’ll never look at a glow stick the same way again.
Z. 50 Shades of…Zzz...zay... (Yeah, I got nothin’. Sorry).
B. 50 Shades of Bray: She was an innocent donkey. He was a stubborn mule. Their unproductive love would tear the barn apart.
C. 50 Shades of Cray: “Ain’t nothing more dirty n’ Crawdaddin’. Them Crays’ll get the best o’ you ‘less’n you show ‘em a firm hand. An’ I do mean a firm hand.” Ellie May only thought of Bayou fishing as a way to feed her family, until he showed her the other side…but will she take the bait?
OR
C. 50 Shades of Cray-Cray: She was a hip young thing from the mean streets of…Missoula. She thought she’d heard everything until he made his offer to her. “You wanna do what with my WHAT?!” Oh no he didn’t!
D. 50 Shades of Dray: He was a proud Bay Roan, she a dappled Appaloosa. Once fate harnessed them together, pulling the cart was the last thing on their mind. (Dray=cart. It’s a horse thing…oh, forget it).
OR
D. 50 Shades of Dre: No one knew what really went on in the rap icon’s basement. It wasn’t just a house party, that’s for sure. When he said he wanted to lay down a beat, he meant so much more.
F. 50 Shades of Fray: What Vikings did behind closed doors would shock you. The thrill of the fray doesn’t end on the battlefield, and you will never look at a spiked mace the same way again.
G. 50 Shades of Gay: The Yuletide season will never be the same. (Hah! Didn’t see that coming, did you?)
H. 50 Shades of Hay: He was a proud Bay Roan, she a dappled Appaloosa. Tack. Harnesses. Saddles.
J. 50 Shades of Jay: When she went to be interviewed on the Tonight Show it was a dream come true. Would America’s salt-and-pepper funnyman be as alluring in person as he appeared on TV? You’ll never look at a chin the same way again.
K. 50 Shades of ‘Kay: Some people are into some stuff, but ‘sall good. Really, chillax, man. *Thumbs Up*
L. 50 Shades of Lays: The Crunchy Chip Empire has a seamy underbelly, as one young fan is about to find out. There are so many flavors and you can’t eat just one.
M. 50 Shades of May: The effervescent scent of lilac. The pitter-patter of gentle rain. The whistle of the riding crop - everyone knows the signs of spring. This playful romp through pastoral landscapes and delicate dungeons will both titillate and inspire.
N. 50 Shades of Nay: One young Puritan doesn’t know what she’s in for when the Head of the Council invites her to a Closed Session. She’d better get a safe word, because “Nay” doesn’t always mean “Nay.”
OR
N. 50 Shades of Neigh: He was a proud Bay Roan, she a dappled…. (I have this incredible feeling of déjà vu…)
P. 50 Shades of Prey: The thrill of the hunt doesn’t have to end back at the lodge, as one innocent young country girl is about to find out. Her guide will take her down paths she never could have imagined, but is she predator or prey? You’ll never look at taxidermy the same way again.
OR
P. 50 Shades of Pray: He was a stern Bishop… (It just writes itself).
Q. 50 Shades of Quay: Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay, one innocent beach bunny is about to find out what it means to be taken Under the Boardwalk.
R. 50 Shades of Ray: Mr. Charles was a music legend, and…something else? When one young piano student puts on a blindfold to experience his world, she gets so much more than she bargained for.
S. 50 Shades of Spay: His work with the clippers was so precise, so controlled – but did his obsession with neutering wild animals speak of something darker is his past? One young veterinary tech will find her life changed forever when she strays into his world.
T. 50 Shades of Tray: When the cafeteria closes the hair nets come off and things happen beyond your wildest dreams. You’ll never look at a spatula the same way again.
V. 50 Shades of oy-Vay: He was a stern Hasidic Rabbi, she was a tempting young shiksa determined to spin his dreidel…
W. 50 Shades of Wray: Only one woman could tame the giant ape, but would she be crushed by the force of his desires? (Fay Wray, star of the original King Kong…C’mon, it’s a classic!).
X. 50 Shades of X-Ray: Lead aprons. Restraints. The head of radiology has more inventive uses for the tools of his craft than anyone can guess, but one young tech swears she can see right through him…
Y. 50 Shades of Yay: They called him the King of The Rave, and he was about to show her the true meaning of Esctasy. You’ll never look at a glow stick the same way again.
Z. 50 Shades of…Zzz...zay... (Yeah, I got nothin’. Sorry).
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